Top 7 Things To Never Say to Filipino Parents
Meeting your girlfriend / fiancée / wife’s parents, her nationality notwithstanding, can be a lot of pressure for any man. After all, her folks may be your future (or already are) in-laws and getting along with them plays a huge factor in your own relationship with your partner.
Filipino parents are not exceptions.You are expected to not only be generally mannered, but also take time to learn some distinct Filipino etiquette in order for them, and even you, to feel at ease with each other.
Like they say, first impressions last. And you should only be playing the part of an enthusiastic partner to their daughter who knows how to watch his words with great consideration.
Make a mental note to yourself to never blabber the following statements when you’re finally meeting her parents.
“When she’s married to me, she’s no longer responsible for your family.”
The Filipino culture values familial relationship with the utmost regard and this goes even when the children started having their own families. It’s not unheard of for a married daughter to live or take in her parents with her new family, sometimes it’s even a financially-wise decision!
Your Filipina girl would most likely be living with you overseas unless you have fallen in love with the Philippines and the Filipino as well and decides to settle there for good (that happens!). However, don’t raise an eyebrow if she ever sends money to her family at home to help them with some of the financial baggage. Granted that your Filipina wife has a business or a job of her own, cut her some slack and let her return her gratitude towards her parents. It’s like repaying them for all their hard work in raising her as who she is now.
Besides, wouldn’t it be admirable to have someone who deeply cares for her family and know that she would be the same to yours?
“I am not really interested in joining.”
I am telling you this now, there are TONS of family gatherings, holidays, etc. in the Philippines that people are almost always out and about weekly. This can be attributed to Filipinos’ extended family relationships that sometimes even mere neighbors are treated as such.
You can expect that you will be asked to join a relative’s relative’s birthday party, wedding, or whatever occasion there is. Filipino gatherings are brimming with good food, drinking, karaoke, and a whole lot of chatting. It can be truly exhausting to take part in all of this especially if you are a homebody but trust me, you’ll regret missing in on the fun.
“Can I leave?”
Be this when you’re dragged into a family gathering or just a casual day out with your girl and her family, it is naturally impolite to make an early exit. Take this opportunity to get to know them better and for them to do the same to you. Filipinos are good hosts and can easily start and keep a conversation going that even language barriers are not a problem.
Of course, you can excuse yourself (humbly) for legit reasons but if you can’t keep up with the meeting, better step up your game or see it as a sign that you are not meant to meet the parents yet.
“What’s this for?” (referring to excessive preparations for holidays, occasions, etc.)
NEVER question a Filipino’s love for heartily preparing for a holiday or just a simple family occasion. When meeting your Filipina girl’s parents for the first time, you might be welcomed with a whole slew of home-cooked meals that you just might be appalled by the sight of them. Christmas is the biggest event of the year (and Filipinos start hanging up Christmas decorations as early as September) and has the most number of food on the menu plus all the pizzaz of the Filipino Christmas tradition so it can get really busy. Being invited to take part in and have something prepared with you in mind is an icing on the cake.
There are still a lot more holidays and traditions that you will need time to get used to but take it as an early compliment for you, and most especially, know that this is a good sign that you are already being welcomed to the family before you know it.
“I’m already full.”
This situation can be taken more in a lighthearted note. Filipinos LOVE eating and you will be handed a full plated one after the other, whether you like it or not. Filipino parents will graciously ask you to eat more even when you already have plate heaping with foods. You can politely decline the offer, definitely, but it surely is nice to have her parents look out for you.
“No” is a bad choice for an answer so go for “Thank you but..” route instead.
“Elderly people in my [your] country usually end up in retirement homes.”
This may not be a usual point of topic but you might want to not bring this up if ever the topic comes up. It’s a sensitive issue and while there is nothing wrong with the idea of retirement homes in your home country, bringing this up with Filipino parents will earn you a bad rep. You DO NOT want to give the wrong message.
Only a few percentages of Filipino elderlies end up in retirement homes as children are meant to take care of them when they are older. And if ever the situation comes when your Filipina partner has to take care of hers, it will be something that you two need to plan out in a strategic and compromising way.
*Whatever it is about the idea of gold-digging in the online Philippines dating community
Sure, you got lucky and found yourself a suitable and totally great Filipina girl but keep your lips tightly sealed about the “money only” issue even if that is not the case between you and your partner.
The Philippines dating community is not immune to money-sucking leeches and it’s better to not bring the topic up than risk giving the Filipino parents the idea that you might be being wary of being with one yourself especially if it’s only early on the relationship.
It is truly insulting to even indirectly accuse or suspect someone to have those intentions even if they show no signs of it, despite you wanting to secure yourself for such instance.